living & loving our “In Between” parts

A couple months ago, I participated in an offering around decolonizing identity work. The facilitator, Maribel, shares ideas with me/us that allowed for us to all recognize, name, and EMBODY that we all are worthy, simply by being born. Our mere existence is (more than) enough. It’s an offering that I cannot recommend enough. There is so much in the space/this offering that challenged me, —much of it I am still grappling and sitting with today. AND, I also know I experienced an incredible shift in my own Self. I have been naming and saying out loud (from an intellectual part of me), that I want to honor, love, and embrace all of my identities and parts. And to be honest, I have been scared to name that and say this out loud.

Being of “mixed parts” often left me so confused, uncertain, and torn for much of my life. Not sure where and with whom I fit in with. Too brown and hairy for some and too light and not enough fluency in Spanish for others. Feeling and thinking that I have to claim only certain parts of myself to belong and be loved. And that this depended on the group and environment I was around. Not quite light enough, and also not quite dark enough. It’s probably a huge reason I’ve become so skilled at code-switching. I’ve lived my life in the “in between” feeling like I had to choose just one identity or part of myself to align with. Supremacy culture in another form.

And now, in partnership with an incredible human, also with mixed racial identity parts, we decided to have 2 children, who are a whole slew of so many different parts. And becoming/being their parent, I know I want them to be able to value and love all the parts of themselves. They too will live their lives in the “in between”. What I want and hope is different for them is that they don’t feel like they ever have to choose just one part of themselves to align with or love. I want them to love their Japanese parts. Their Mexican parts. Their German parts. Their Scottish-Irish parts. ALL of it.

I want this for all of us. For all our children. Our children have to know, have to believe that they are loved and matter simply by being born.

“Oppression Olympics” have us believing and behaving in ways that will pit us against one another. I’m not saying there is no need to tend to the oppressions that are definitely unfolding in this world. They are here. And we all have a role and responsibility in this. I do wonder, is there a way to do it so that we are not perpetuating dominant culture?

I have a small offering for you/us with the intention of us learning to be in relation to ALL our parts. Even and especially the parts of us that may have historically caused harm (to ourselves and others) **this offering may bring up strong emotions and sensations. Please try this on when you are in a grounded space and have capacity to go inward:

~call to mind one of your identity parts.

~notice the sensations in or around your body that arise when you call this part to mind. what emotions, images, or thoughts arise?

~what is the role or job of this identity part? You can ask this identity part what it’s role is.

~ What feelings is this part holding? Again, you can ask this part what feelings it might be holding.

~ by hearing and understanding the role of this part, how do you feel towards it? (you can share this with your identity part).

~what fears is this part holding?

~ Is there anything you would like to say to this part? Is there anything this part would like to say to you?

Is this something that spoke to you? Would you like more support and to explore what arose? Please reach out to me, lets connect and lean in to explore all of our parts together. The in between is a beautiful place. I think we are ready to really live that way.