Supporting our Children in Summer Camps & Beyond: Honoring their Emotions, Identities, and Humanity

Often times, I get to work with families whose children are the only ones in their summer camps who hold a certain identity. This identity could be around race, their neurotypes, their sexuality, etc. Even before I began my work as a therapist, so much of what I did was spent supporting parents in how to support their children who had experienced something challenging in the summer camp or classroom because they were the only child there who held a non-dominant identity.

Over the last decade, I’ve been noticing that there are patterns that emerge in how we might be able to offer this support to our Children. Even and especially if our Children may be the one initiating harm onto others. Because the reality is, all Children are worthy and deserving of support. The support may look different. The support and care we offer to a Child who experienced race-based bullying is going to be much different than the support and connection for a Child who initiated this race-based bullying. AND, either way, we MUST address what happening for and to our Children—ignoring it will only cause us more harm in our Futures. We have got to start talking about all these parts of ourselves with one another.

Here are some of the tangible ways we can show up as caregivers and caretakers of our Children. There first few points actually offer ways we can directly communicate with camp/school staff about how they themselves as the adults in power set up their environments and tend to their own internal work:

• ask about how they handle conflict between children and between a child/adult. There is no one “right” or “only” way here. AND there are ways that are offer more transformative relationships to unfold, as opposed to oppressive, shameful, punitive approaches.

• we can ask how they do support a child who is on the receiving end of the bullying. And how they support a child who is carrying out bullying behaviors.

• we can ask how they might be tending to themselves as camp staff/directors? If we decide to send our Child(ren) to places where staff are burnt out, easily activated, who is this going to help? In asking this question, we may be able to allow the camp staff/directors to consider and sit with how they can better be cared for. Because they too deserve care and being tended to.

• in which ways are camp staff interrupting and disrupting systems, interpersonal, and internal oppressions and power dynamics?

These next points are where we are in communication with our Children and can come from a place of curiosity about their day, what they experienced, & how they showed up.

-attune to your Child: check in with them about their days, trying to go beyond the classic, “how was your day?”. A possible lead in might sound like, “What was the most joyful (or silly, or exciting, etc) part of your day?” Give room for them to also talk about challenges or missteps in their day. This might sound like, “tell me about parts of your day where you noticed sad parts in your body” or “tell me about mistakes you might have made today” Be mindful about when you choose to ask these questions. Some children need to decompress after a long day away from you before they can share about any parts of their day. We can/should attune with our words and bodies.

-Validate their experience(s). This might sound like, “that sounds like it was really hard part of your day. I’m so sorry you experienced that. You can validate with your words and your body. Stay away from language like “you’re too sensitive or that doesn’t sound like too big of a deal”.

-If something challenging did come up for them, ask how they think YOU can support THEM in this situation? How can you show up for them?

-Role play ways of advocating for themselves: get the whole fam involved too. Teach them language of being assertive. What does this look and sound like?

-If there is a pattern emerging or you notice something seems “off”, check in with the camp director/counselor/person who holds power. Email/document so you can look back on things if needed!

- Ask them if there were choices they made today that they wish they could replay or do different. Validate. Stay away from language of shaming, as this will often lead to your Child shutting down and keeping things to themselves.

-Ask them how they can and want to show up differently the following day. Support them in naming specific behaviors. What do they need to make these changes happen? Lead with curiosity which might sound like, “I wonder how or what you can do to…”

-Support them in their repair (apologizing) work. Begin modeling and embodying this in your home when you’ve mis-stepped. Repair work with our Children is especially powerful and potent.

It is worth noting that there are moments where caretakers themselves can and should participate in the conversation, rather than simply aiming to pull out information from their Child(ren). Similarly, there are times where we should just be there to listen and hold space, without projecting our own experiences onto our Children.

Do you have questions about these concepts, want to learn more, or connect with other caregivers who are wanting to show up in meaningful, revolutionary, and intentional ways alongside our Children?

In mid June, I’m hosting an offering where we will go deeper into practicing all these concepts while building our community of supports: Supporting Children in Camps & Beyond: Honoring their Identities & Humanity Tickets, Thu, Jun 23, 2022 at 7:00 PM | Eventbrite

Our Children are worthy of Futures where Humanity is centered and honored. Let’s do this!

In community and love,

Bianca